you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
