I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
