Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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