I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
