My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
so much tequila, so little girl.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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