Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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