Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
