nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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