in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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