I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
