put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
