Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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