doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
