I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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