You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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