Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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