you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
