I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
