thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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