Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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