Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
