i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
