Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
