I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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