Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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