be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
