Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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