Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
