Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
