bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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