my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
