just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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