Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
