not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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