my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
