I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
