you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
