Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
