She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
