Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We left the knife in your bed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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