Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
