I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
