Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
