You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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