Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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