TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
