I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
