Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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