wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
