i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
